Trust Fall

Life continues apace. We are learning, learning, learning, and the latest lesson is all about trust. I watched a very giggly and slippery Gabriel having a blast in his bath tonight. The water is colored pink with some fun Crayola drops and there all are kinds of singing, swimming bath toys. It's a relief to see Gabe happy and splashing because over the weekend, that's not the experience we were having. 

Last Friday night was a train wreck. Gabe was sick. We had planned to grill out and enjoy the long evening together. We did have a long evening, but a leisurely dinner wasn't part of the final agenda. What did feature were jangled nerves, an after hours call to the on-call pediatrician, a pharmacy run, tears, and lots of comforting hugs in an attempt to soothe our sweet son. I have rarely felt so useless in my life. First time parents' first after hours call to the doc was unnerving. At least we weren't told that it was a virus; the doc thankfully called in a prescription and gave great practical advice.

The rest of the weekend was up and down. On Monday Tim and Gabe visited the doctors office, and came out with antibiotics enough for 2 ear infections and a strep infection. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. 

Our forays into the medical world have just kicked off. From the time that we accepted Gabriel's file in August last year we knew that when he came home he would need to visit the specialist team at Cincinnati Children's Hospital (CCH). Our pediatrician had reviewed his files with us and prepped us for this eventuality. We have done research and connected with resources (now friends) all over the country to support us through this part of the journey. Still. It's scary. And when I'm scared I realize there's two options: agonize in the paralyzingly fear and worry, or set it loose and trust God. One of those options comes to me more easily than the other; left to myself I clutch what-if and panic to me like a blanket. God has been prying that blanket out of my hands one finger at a time. In its place, He gives His peace. 

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27 NKJV 

On Monday our family of 3 will travel to CCH to begin this part of our journey. June 30 is the MRI. Gabe will be sedated for the procedure (when the very serious nurse asked me if he could be still for 60-90 minutes I laughed and reminded her that he's 2). On Tuesday June 1 he will have another contrast study done, this time he can be awake and semi-wiggly (pshew). And there are other appointments at CCH shortly after that. 

I know that this hospital is rated very highly overall in the nation and that they have one of only a handful of specialist programs in the country that suits Gabe's needs (odd or God?) and still I find myself having trouble letting go and trusting. I don't know these doctors and nurses yet, and to them my son is just a file right now. Still. I hear a quiet whisper in my ear that I don't have to trust any of the expert physicians. I only have to trust the Healer, the Great Physician, the One who knit Gabe together in his mother's womb. When I think of trusting God with my child instead of the doctors, my fingers loosen off my fear blanket. I can breathe. I have tested the Lord's promises time and again over the years, and He is always faithful. 

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" Psalms 34:8 NKJV

The other day I got this song stuck in my head in the car on the commute to work and I had to raise an eyebrow. I believe God has a sense of humor... As Joan Baez said in 1971-

"Put your hand in the hand of the man

Who stilled the water
Put your hand in the hand of the man
Who calmed the sea..."

Our family has a mountain ahead of us. It's a good thing that God is still in the business of moving mountains. I write all of this not because I am accomplished at trusting, oh no. But typing it all out does help me breathe easier. In the course of a day I'll snatch my blanket of fear back to cover me a zillion times. And then God gently reminds me of his promises again.

“...for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 NKJV

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV (my personal favorite Bible verse)

Ok, enough of the serious stuff. On to the pictures (aka the real reason you are still reading... *smile*)

Eating yogurt with his fingers

So handsome for church!

Gabe discovered the pots and pans this week

Love bubbles!

That face! Love him!

The pull along puppy is giving Mickey a ride!

Mickey gets a story, music, and a drink

Mouseketeer! Gabe was fascinated when he found these ears. 

Cruisin!

Very brave- I didn't let him try this trick for long, don't worry.