There and Back Again: A Love Story: One Month In: An Exercise in Hospitality

Today marks the one month anniversary of our adoption finalization! Yesterday was one month since my mom and I met Gabriel in Zhengzhou. The first day we signed a guardianship agreement, and the next day, 5/6, the adoption was finalized.

The first day, gotcha day, was so scripted that there wasn't much room to think about what to do next, we just did it. The next day, though, I woke up wondering what I had let myself in for. We cleaned up ready for breakfast but what does a toddler eat? What does a toddler eat with after you've confiscated all the sharp and noisy objects from the entire table? There were a few things on the schedule to do that day, but mostly the day was left open for bonding; how were we supposed to accomplish that? Gabe was seriously into everything, how would I keep him occupied (and away from the mini-bar snacks)? And once I figured out an activity for the morning, what about the afternoon, and tomorrow, and the next 18 years? I was, in short, overwhelmed.

A month later, I feel a sense of accomplishment at each meal that he enjoys that Tim and I prepared (watch me feed my child! This I can do!). The bonding began in China and is still happening the more and more time that we spend together as a family. As for how to keep a busy toddler occupied, well, I'm open to suggestions! A lot of the day I feel like I've got the dragon by the tail.

This month has been full of new experiences for Gabe but also for Tim and I. We are used to doing whatever or going where ever we want at any moment- we have never been parents before! Some of my learning curve is that those days of setting my own agenda are over- it's hard to lay down my self-will. A Communications professor at Asbury told us in our Family Comms class that having children is an exercise in hospitality. You don't do what you want to do, you do what this strange, small person wants to do. You do it with a smile, and while saying nice things to the small person. I've been wanting to rent a movie at r*dbox for weeks now, and then after Gabe is in bed I realize I never picked it up. Gone are the days when I could just pop out and pick it up to enjoy with a large bowl of popcorn. I am not deluded enough to try to take him with me to fetch the movie. The movie box is next to a candy machine and 4 toy machines, including the one with the claw that is irresistible to anyone under the age of 27.

I am making plans to head back to work on Thursday. What was once so far away is now almost front and center. In preparation, I made a couple of phone calls this week that were very difficult to make. I called to schedule a haircut and to use a massage gift certificate. If you had told me before this crazy ride that I would have trouble scheduling these mommy time-outs I would have laughed you out of the state, by the way. They both had openings today, so out I went. I did not feel ready to leave Gabe, and that's why the phone calls were so hard, but knew it would be good to help us adjust. Tim dropped Gabe at our local daycare for a few hours to prepare him for what will be a daily occurrence. Bless both Monica and Stephany for their time with me today but also for their reassurance that we will all be ok and that we are building a new normal. These been-there-done-that mamas know what they are talking about!

Gabriel had a great day at daycare! He made new friends, and enjoyed lunch and all the new toys. When I picked him up he was glad to see me. We spent some good time cuddling when we got home, and are now cooling off at the water table before dinner. I think this will be one tired baby (and mama and baba) bear this evening!