Waiting is the Hardest Part

We are waiting, waiting, waiting. But we are having fun too, and watching Gabe get stronger every day. 

Tim and I trade shifts for sleep and this week I'm back at work remotely in the afternoons from the Family Resource Center here at CCH. Our family has generously been taking shifts late morning-evening so I can work and Tim can rest. We have never felt alone and are grateful for all the love and support from our family since we checked into the hospital. 

I mentioned previously that the surgery was not a "fix" but was necessary. It did achieve it's purpose and so far the doctors have been well pleased with how Gabe is healing. We have such a long hospital stay to ensure that his wound is healing properly and is protected so it doesn't pull or undo the marvelous work by the surgeons. We are hoping to be discharged this weekend if all continues to go well. 

Gabe went back for surgery about 9 am last Thursday and we were called back to speak with the surgeon at 3 pm and then shortly after to recovery. He slept most of the afternoon but woke up wanting Frozen (that's when we knew he was truly ok) and then stayed awake through 3 Disney movies before heading off to sleep. 

3/13

Friday and Saturday Gabe stayed to his bed mostly. He fought vital checks and diaper changes. We played with toys on his tray table and hung out. Sunday it was clear our boy was back. That afternoon we visited the toddler playroom for about 45 minutes and his whole face came alive. We had been trying to entice him to walk, and to ride in his wagon but no dice. If he was out of bed he wanted to be carried. The playroom has been a revelation. We think it's a version of "normal" for him; he's used to being in daycare 5 days a week with other kids. 

3/15

3/16

We have revisited the playroom each day for both morning and afternoon session. Sometimes he has put his pants and shoes on by himself and then tossed all his stuffed animals and blankets in his wagon before declaring, "go play toys!" 

3/17

3/18

Note the dinosaur holding the balloon. I love this sweet boy!

Gabe's blankets have been his main comfort items when the hospital environment sometimes causes anxiety 

The Week Ahead

WWeekend mornings have to my favorite in this parenting journey. There's sleeping in a little, and time to make yummy breakfasts- muffins this morning. We are less rushed and stressed on weekend mornings, and we can take time to enjoy our family.
 
We have been fully enmeshed in life. There's not a lot of time to reflect and write (how did I find more time in China to write during the marathon adoption trip than I do at home?) so I trust you won't hold that against us for not sharing lately in the blogosphere. You can be sure that there are daily struggles (getting dressed for daycare) and victories ("mama, sing me 'rocka baby'").

When we first came home from China I paged through a working mom's magazine that a friend gave me. I came across an article on parenting children with special medical needs. I read it with mild interest, but as I kept reading, I realized, "oh right, our son has special medical needs." The truth is that Gabe's file from the adoption agency wasn't just "special medical needs" but "special focus," meaning that his medical needs may be more extensive than other children. We accepted the referral and claimed him as our own, not because we are some uber-patient or saintly people, but because we felt, in the moment we looked at his picture and read about him, that he was our son. Simple.

The magazine article reminded me what I still tend to forget most days, which is that children with special medical needs may have extra routines, or need a little more time to do things that other kids do quickly or take for granted- it's different depending on the need. For us, we have integrated Gabe's care into our routines, and it doesn't seem special anymore. It's just day to day life. When you or Jill Stranger sees us at Target, you will see a family with a happy, healthy, energetic 2 1/2 year old, because that's what Gabe is (if you encounter us at Target you will also see a shopping cart overfull of cute stuff because isn't Target like some kind of shopping black hole?).

Special medical needs can be very obvious to a casual onlooker, or they can be more private. Thank you in advance for respecting Gabe's privacy. What I will tell you about our family is that we are blessed to be very close to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital (CCH) Colorectal Center where we have been meeting with the wonderful staff since the summer. We discussed in August that there may be a need for surgery in Gabe's future, and the time for surgery has come. This surgery isn't a "fix" but it is supposed to make things better.

On Wednesday this week we will arrive at CCH and get checked in for a full day of pre-surgery procedures. Then on Thursday, 3/12, Gabe will have surgery. It's hard to write that. It's hard for a lot of reasons, some of which are that my son is currently bouncing on the couch and saying "daddy, catch you!!" after having stuffed himself with blueberry muffins, or because when he cried in the night last night and I picked him up and held him tight in my arms to rock him he felt so small and fragile as I stroked his hair back and spoke loving words over him. "Pediatric surgeon" should be an oxymoron.

We are surrounded by a great cloud of friends and family who care for us and lift us up in big and small ways. I am part of a group on facebook for adoptive mamas who have had young kids go through surgery, and they have been invaluable. You are all our support system.

So many have asked, "what can I do, besides pray?" The answer is that your prayers are what we covet. We need them, and they will make a difference. If you don't pray, and you feel inclined, close your eyes, take a few deep, quiet breaths, and speak peace. It will find us. If you pray, pray for Dr F and Dr V to have a good night's rest on Wednesday, skillful hands, and a cheerful heart (I'm praying they eat their Wheaties...). Pray that Gabe isn't scared, that he doesn't feel abandoned, and for pain management.  

Gabe had at least 3 colorectal surgeries while he was in China, so this isn't really new to him, although he was very small at the time. Before he came home we prayed that he would always have known that he was loved, and that he was never alone, even throughout all his medical care from the time he was an infant. While we waited for the adoption paperwork to progress, we connected with the foster home that was caring for him. I am in awe of the caregivers of this foster home- it is evident how very much they love the children they care for. Through the connection with the foster home, we received a message from one of the caregivers, who said to us that she was with Gabriel after one of his surgeries. She said she held his hand when he opened his eyes for the first time after surgery. You see, the Bible says that we have a God who loves us so much that His love surpasses knowledge. And that He is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine. I asked that Gabe would have never been alone through his surgeries. And God introduced us to the gracious, loving woman who was with him.

This is why we need your prayers, and why we know that it's by far the best gift you could give us. God is going to see us through- not with a "fix" or an easy answer, but with His love that is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine.

"What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

Now for some pictures-